Is there anything worse than being a insecure preteen? I have to say when I look back at my life and where I grew up I hardly recognize myself. I picked up and got the hell out of dodge when I was sixteen and never looked back. Today for some reason I pondered about people and the places of Merced.
It is hard to live down your mother's reputation with her many marriages and divorces. It was not uncommon for snooty mothers to look down on me and ask me, "What is your mother's last name now?". Snobby bitches I would love to give them an ear full now. Combine that with the fact that my mother pretty much decided I should fend for myself at twelve. I wasn't the most put together girl. I never had popular clothes. I always had to bum rides off other people. Thank goodness for the Wiens or I never would have had lunch.
Teenagers in the gospel can be brutal. If you don't fit in your out. I felt a lot of the kids my age that were LDS were clicky. I remember making an effort to hang out with church kids and hating how I felt about myself. It gave me a bitter taste for the church for a long time until I learned the Church isn't hurtful, the people in it can be.
It is funny how just writing about this makes me sad. Do you ever get over your childhood? Hopefully my kids can change the world and make a difference. I kept most of my problems inside of me. I didn't share the horrible details of my sad life. I keep wondering if those kids knew what was happening inside my house would they still treat me like I was beneath them? Or would they throw me a bone and show some sympathy to a kid who just needed a good friend?
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4 comments:
We could've been best friends back in the day. Seriously. I didn't realize how much of your childhood is similar to mine. Well, except, my mom was only married and divorced once. :) But I can relate to the way you feel about certain things, especially wondering if a person can ever get over their childhood. I ask myself that question all the time.
Oh, and btw, I was expecting way more profanity....
I like this, a venting blog! Warning--a long comment!! YOu've been warned!
Hey, I totally agree with what you're saying. It makes me sad to see MY daughter going through the click stage with kids at church. I can finally say it out loud because none of those mom will be reading this.
We finally moved into a ward with tons of girls my daughter's age and NONE of them wants to be her friends. They will be "nice" to her, only because it is the Christlike thing to do. She can't understand why the girls at church, except for one, won't have playdates with her. She has more school friends than church friends, which is great, but it makes going to church activity a bit lonely.
As one of those kids that probably made you feel that way, I'm sorry. I know it's no excuse but I was just noticing how insecure I still am about trying to relate to people with different backgrounds. I think it's the challenge of my life to learn how to step outside of my comfort zone to recognize the needs of others.
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